一个衰人的自白！！（超级搞笑）一个衰人的自白！！（超级搞笑）

shiyan0356 · 发表于 2006-3-30 06:14:00

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1.出生的时候，刚好赶上了接生护士失恋，我由于没在第一时间哭出声来，结果被她一顿暴打。

2.一岁的时候，刚学会爬着走路，满屋子爬，结果在我的床下摸到了一个老鼠夹。据说那个老鼠夹买回来两年了，一只老鼠没夹着，第一次夹到的就是我的手。

3.两岁的时候，我学会了走路。在家里和爸妈捉迷藏。我躲在我的床下，结果踩到了另一个老鼠夹。据说这个老鼠夹买回来三年了，第一次夹到的就是我的腿。

4.三岁的时候，我想下楼梯。隔壁的张老太说要牵我下楼梯,免得摔着。结果话没说完，她就直接摔下楼梯了。从四楼顺着楼梯摔到了一楼，直接跨入老年痴呆阶段。

5.四岁的时候，警察叔叔牵我过马路，我还没说谢谢。他就被辆摩托车撞到了马路对面，一级残疾。

6.五岁的时候，爸爸送我去幼儿园。幼儿园阿姨夸我长得很漂亮.话刚说完，五楼就掉了个花瓶下来，直接命中了阿姨的头盖骨。

7.六岁的时候，第一次上动物园。我说，那头公熊猫比那头母熊猫好看。第二天，那头被我夸我的熊猫死于难产。

8.七岁的时候，我上了小学。期末考试，数学老师说我考了59分,就算60分好了。第二天，数学老师死于车祸。

9.八岁的时候，我夸我们班那位女生长得好漂亮。五分钟后，这位女生赶上了罕见的流星雨。

10.九岁的时候,我学会了抢劫。我拦路抢劫了一个五岁的小朋友。结果被他一顿暴打。他自称是少林寺俗家****。

11.十岁的时候，我和小胖一块上厕所。小胖夸我上厕所的样子真帅,我正准备说谢谢，小胖已经掉进了厕所。

12.十一岁的时候，老师问我三七等于多少。我说三七二十一。老师说，你真聪明，话没说完死于心脏病。

13.十二岁的时候，小学毕业考试。监考老师对我说，快抓紧时间,时间不多了。我说，谢谢老师的提醒。刚说完，老师头顶的电风扇掉落了......

14.十三岁的时候,我读初中了。我之前的经历吓得没人敢和我接近。只有一个号称大胆的王姓同学跟我说了一句：我不相信你会这么背，当天下午，王大胆被两头公牛追了八条街。

15.十四岁的时候，老师要我们写作文，题目叫＜我们的大桥＞。我在作文里提到：城里的那座大桥很雄伟.......第二天，我去上课的时候，发现那座大桥突然倒塌了。

16.十五岁的时候，我喜欢上了一个女孩。我不敢说出来，怕害了她。可我控制不了自己，终于我挑了个晴朗天气在学校空旷的*场上跟她表白。.据天气预报说，当天绝对不会有流星雨。可当我表白后，地震发生了，我看着这位女孩哭着掉进了裂层中......

17.十六岁的时候,我读高中了。我喜欢上了踢足球,对方守门员夸我球踢得不错。于是，球门突然倒塌了......

18.十七岁的时候，我跟着人群去观摩跳楼实景。结果，我被他压在了身下......两个月后，我和他双双出院.在住院部门口，他对我说谢谢我救了他。于是，他被另一个跳楼的压在了身下，这次他没能幸免于难......

19.十八岁的时候，我成年了。我第一次上银行取钱，结果碰上了劫匪抢银行。柜台小姐跟说：嘘...别出声，不然劫匪会杀人的。话音未落，柜台小姐被劫匪打成了麻花......

20.十九岁的时候上大学与同学一起喝酒，四人喝了两瓶酒，三人跟着阎王走。我受到开除留校察看处分……

21.二十岁的时候,我跟同学说，坐飞机比坐火车安全。于是,飞机开始往下掉......

22.二十一岁的时候，我跟爸爸说，有机会的话我一定要到美国的双子楼去看看。于是，911发生了......

23.二十二的时候，我和同事打赌，中国队在世界杯上一定可以取得好成绩。于是......后来，有个全国性的研讨会邀请我列席，主题是我为什么这么倒霉。当我把我的事迹提交到组委会后，主题换成了我为什么这么走运.我旁听。

24.二十三岁的时候，四月，我辞去银行工作到一家航空旅游公司，不久非典来了。公司倒闭……

25.同年，失业在家，的确闲来无事，谈了一女友，老一套过后该ks了，结果口罩对口罩……

26.见很多人大发“非典”财，俺心动，凑了15万元拉了一车蔬菜，到北京就有人出25万买下，哼！再等等，没35万免谈，第三天，菜价平稳了，菜开始烂了，赶紧找买主，对方出价3000元，卖了……

27.中国有句老话:哪跌倒的就从哪儿爬起!俺发现口罩一直供不应求，价格走高,开始办厂，生产“帅”牌口罩。用废料很省钱，一天赚了一万。第二天，工商，技术监督局把俺厂封了，罚款3万……

28.看来俺不是做生意的料，当官吧!俺花了4.8万给局长，他答应给俺搞定!明天就上班。第二天，俺去了，局长被检察院的车带走了，俺的钱不但打了水漂，还把俺弄进去了……

29.一个月后俺取保候审，刚到</td></tr></table>

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</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo188124" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo188124_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-35938.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">风神</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=35938&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">1356</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=35938&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=%B7%E7%C9%F1" id="a_repent_188124" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="avatar"><a href="space-uid-35938.html" class="avtm" target="_blank"><img src="https://bbs.huians.com/uc_server/avatar.php?uid=35938&size=middle" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
<td class="plc">
<div class="pi">
<div class="pti">
<div class="pdbt">
</div>
<div class="authi">
<img class="authicn vm" id="authicon188124" src="static/image/common/online_member.gif" />
<em id="authorposton188124">发表于 2006-4-18 21:20:00</em>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td class="t_f" id="postmessage_188124">
<P>?????</P>
<P>看不懂</P></td></tr></table>

</div>
<div id="comment_188124" class="cm">
</div>

</td></tr>
<tr><td class="plc plm">
</td>
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<tr>
<td class="pls"></td>
<td class="plc" style="overflow:visible;">
<div class="po hin">
<div class="pob cl">
<em>
<a class="fastre" href="forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=59069&repquote=188124&extra=page%3D1&page=1" onclick="showWindow('reply', this.href)">回复</a>
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</em>

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<td class="pls">
</td>
<td class="plc">
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</div><div id="post_188594" ><table id="pid188594" class="plhin" summary="pid188594" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tr>
 <td class="pls" rowspan="2">
<div id="favatar188594" class="pls cl favatar">
<div class="pi">
<div class="authi"><a href="space-uid-36446.html" target="_blank" class="xw1">可爱如如</a>
</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo188594" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo188594_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-36446.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">可爱如如</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=36446&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">4158</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=36446&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=%BF%C9%B0%AE%C8%E7%C8%E7" id="a_repent_188594" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="avatar"><a href="space-uid-36446.html" class="avtm" target="_blank"><img src="https://bbs.huians.com/uc_server/avatar.php?uid=36446&size=middle" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
<td class="plc">
<div class="pi">
<div class="pti">
<div class="pdbt">
</div>
<div class="authi">
<img class="authicn vm" id="authicon188594" src="static/image/common/online_member.gif" />
<em id="authorposton188594">发表于 2006-4-19 23:42:00</em>
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<div class="t_fsz">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td class="t_f" id="postmessage_188594">
<P>呵呵```</P>
<P>好可爱哦~!~</P></td></tr></table>

</div>
<div id="comment_188594" class="cm">
</div>

</td></tr>
<tr><td class="plc plm">
</td>
</tr>
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<tr>
<td class="pls"></td>
<td class="plc" style="overflow:visible;">
<div class="po hin">
<div class="pob cl">
<em>
<a class="fastre" href="forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=59069&repquote=188594&extra=page%3D1&page=1" onclick="showWindow('reply', this.href)">回复</a>
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</em>

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</ul>
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</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr class="ad">
<td class="pls">
</td>
<td class="plc">
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div><div id="post_192740" ><table id="pid192740" class="plhin" summary="pid192740" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tr>
 <td class="pls" rowspan="2">
<div id="favatar192740" class="pls cl favatar">
<div class="pi">
<div class="authi"><a href="space-uid-37133.html" target="_blank" class="xw1">晓晓心琳</a>
</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo192740" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo192740_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-37133.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">晓晓心琳</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=37133&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">324</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=37133&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=%CF%FE%CF%FE%D0%C4%C1%D5" id="a_repent_192740" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="avatar"><a href="space-uid-37133.html" class="avtm" target="_blank"><img src="https://bbs.huians.com/uc_server/avatar.php?uid=37133&size=middle" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
<td class="plc">
<div class="pi">
<div class="pti">
<div class="pdbt">
</div>
<div class="authi">
<img class="authicn vm" id="authicon192740" src="static/image/common/online_member.gif" />
<em id="authorposton192740">发表于 2006-4-22 20:18:00</em>
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<P>……</P></td></tr></table>

</div>
<div id="comment_192740" class="cm">
</div>

</td></tr>
<tr><td class="plc plm">
</td>
</tr>
<tr id="_postposition192740"></tr>
<tr>
<td class="pls"></td>
<td class="plc" style="overflow:visible;">
<div class="po hin">
<div class="pob cl">
<em>
<a class="fastre" href="forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=59069&repquote=192740&extra=page%3D1&page=1" onclick="showWindow('reply', this.href)">回复</a>
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</em>

<ul id="mgc_post_192740_menu" class="p_pop mgcmn" style="display: none;">
<li><a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=namepost&idtype=pid&id=192740:59069" id="a_namepost_192740" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static/image/magic/namepost.small.gif" />显身卡</a><li>
</ul>
<script type="text/javascript" reload="1">checkmgcmn('post_192740')</script>
</div>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr class="ad">
<td class="pls">
</td>
<td class="plc">
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div><div id="post_194566" ><table id="pid194566" class="plhin" summary="pid194566" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tr>
 <td class="pls" rowspan="2">
<div id="favatar194566" class="pls cl favatar">
<div class="pi">
<div class="authi"><a href="space-uid-27833.html" target="_blank" class="xw1">D调的华丽</a>
</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo194566" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo194566_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-27833.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">D调的华丽</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=27833&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">312</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=27833&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=D%B5%F7%B5%C4%BB%AA%C0%F6" id="a_repent_194566" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="avatar"><a href="space-uid-27833.html" class="avtm" target="_blank"><img src="https://bbs.huians.com/uc_server/avatar.php?uid=27833&size=middle" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
<td class="plc">
<div class="pi">
<div class="pti">
<div class="pdbt">
</div>
<div class="authi">
<img class="authicn vm" id="authicon194566" src="static/image/common/online_member.gif" />
<em id="authorposton194566">发表于 2006-4-23 04:44:00</em>
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<div class="t_fsz">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td class="t_f" id="postmessage_194566">
无语</td></tr></table>

</div>
<div id="comment_194566" class="cm">
</div>

</td></tr>
<tr><td class="plc plm">
</td>
</tr>
<tr id="_postposition194566"></tr>
<tr>
<td class="pls"></td>
<td class="plc" style="overflow:visible;">
<div class="po hin">
<div class="pob cl">
<em>
<a class="fastre" href="forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=59069&repquote=194566&extra=page%3D1&page=1" onclick="showWindow('reply', this.href)">回复</a>
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</em>

<ul id="mgc_post_194566_menu" class="p_pop mgcmn" style="display: none;">
<li><a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=namepost&idtype=pid&id=194566:59069" id="a_namepost_194566" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static/image/magic/namepost.small.gif" />显身卡</a><li>
</ul>
<script type="text/javascript" reload="1">checkmgcmn('post_194566')</script>
</div>
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<tr class="ad">
<td class="pls">
</td>
<td class="plc">
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div><div id="post_194578" ><table id="pid194578" class="plhin" summary="pid194578" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tr>
 <td class="pls" rowspan="2">
<div id="favatar194578" class="pls cl favatar">
<div class="pi">
<div class="authi"><a href="space-uid-31819.html" target="_blank" class="xw1">科比24</a>
</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo194578" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo194578_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-31819.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">科比24</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=31819&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">25099</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=31819&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=%BF%C6%B1%C824" id="a_repent_194578" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="avatar"><a href="space-uid-31819.html" class="avtm" target="_blank"><img src="https://bbs.huians.com/uc_server/avatar.php?uid=31819&size=middle" /></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
<td class="plc">
<div class="pi">
<div class="pti">
<div class="pdbt">
</div>
<div class="authi">
<img class="authicn vm" id="authicon194578" src="static/image/common/online_member.gif" />
<em id="authorposton194578">发表于 2006-4-23 04:46:00</em>
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<div class="t_fsz">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td class="t_f" id="postmessage_194578">
电脑还可以 但是不会看</td></tr></table>

</div>
<div id="comment_194578" class="cm">
</div>

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<tr><td class="plc plm">
</td>
</tr>
<tr id="_postposition194578"></tr>
<tr>
<td class="pls"></td>
<td class="plc" style="overflow:visible;">
<div class="po hin">
<div class="pob cl">
<em>
<a class="fastre" href="forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=59069&repquote=194578&extra=page%3D1&page=1" onclick="showWindow('reply', this.href)">回复</a>
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</em>

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</ul>
<script type="text/javascript" reload="1">checkmgcmn('post_194578')</script>
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<tr class="ad">
<td class="pls">
</td>
<td class="plc">
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div><div id="post_194683" ><table id="pid194683" class="plhin" summary="pid194683" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0">
<tr>
 <td class="pls" rowspan="2">
<div id="favatar194683" class="pls cl favatar">
<div class="pi">
<div class="authi"><a href="space-uid-30020.html" target="_blank" class="xw1">简单的</a>
</div>
</div>
<div class="p_pop blk bui card_gender_" id="userinfo194683" style="display: none; margin-top: -11px;">
<div class="m z">
<div id="userinfo194683_ma"></div>
</div>
<div class="i y">
<div>
<strong><a href="space-uid-30020.html" target="_blank" class="xi2">简单的</a></strong>
<em>当前离线</em>
</div><dl class="cl">
<dt>积分</dt><dd><a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=30020&do=profile" target="_blank" class="xi2">480</a></dd>
</dl><div class="imicn">
<a href="home.php?mod=space&uid=30020&do=profile" target="_blank" title="查看详细资料"><img src="static/image/common/userinfo.gif" alt="查看详细资料" /></a>
<a href="home.php?mod=magic&mid=checkonline&idtype=user&id=%BC%F2%B5%A5%B5%C4" id="a_repent_194683" class="xi2" onclick="showWindow(this.id, this.href)"><img src="static//image/magic/checkonline.small.gif" alt="" /> 狗仔卡</a>
</div>
<div id="avatarfeed"><span id="threadsortswait"></span></div>
</div>
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<em id="authorposton194683">发表于 2006-4-23 05:07:00</em>
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